My life, designed by me.
I have been daydreaming alot lately. ALOT. In fact I catch myself staring out of the window many time a day. I am feeling very torn right now. It is getting harder and harder on a daily basis to pretend I am someone I am not. There is Kim, the true version of me. Then there is 9-5 Kim. The true Kim is being suffocated by the 9-5 existence of the other Kim. Confused yet? Try being in my head!
I have reached a point where I have learned what it is I want to do with my life. I want to write. I want to write and write and write, blog posts, fiction, screenplays, articles anything that allows me to craft something meaningful from the words that come flowing from my brain when I get in front of a computer, or in absense of that; a notepad. I can write anywhere and anytime, pen and paper will do just fine if I am not with my computer. My creative expulsions are only stymied by not being able to write fast enough to be legible, which makes reading back later a bit of a chore!
I daydream about my writing and where I want it to take me and where I believe it will take me one day. I create extravagant fantasies in my head of owning a home of my own, where I have a cosy office, the walls lined with bookshelves and me, at a desk, having made my dreams a reality, writing for a living. I daydream about the joy of being able to create that life for myself and my family and having the freedom to write whenever the urge strikes. Unlike now, where I impatiently count down the hours in my office from 9 – 5 (well, 8.30 if we are to be completely honest here), trying to control the daydreaming that ultimately distracts me from my job.
I drive to and from work creating character dialogues in my head, saying the words out loud to see if they work, hoping to remember them long enough to write them down. I have a fictional piece in progress right now that I am in love with. I spend every waking moment thinking about the path this piece will take, how to make these characters three dimensional and breathe life into them.
It is a very highly strung existence I have right now. I am so happy to have found my passion in life but I see-saw daily trying to balance my thoughts, thinking about numbers and bank reconciliation’s between 9 and 5 and thinking about writing in the remaining hours of the day. I will be honest, there is some crossover. I might have, possibly, written a Blog post or two from work. Possibly.
I am empowered by all my daydreaming though. I have reached a point in my life where I truly believe in myself. I keep telling myself, just keep writing. The writing is my talisman. I will have the means and opportunity soon to change things for the better. I can feel it.